Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York state.
- She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, and how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
- Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
- At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
- The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to the Senator.
- They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
Bush Fails To Prevent East Coast BlizzardSubject: EAST COAST BLIZZARD
As President Bush and his staff cowered in the White House, the snow
continued to pile up on the many poor and African American victims who
could not afford to get out of town or to safety in Florida. Crucial
supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn and dark rum - so essential to
surviving the stress of any major snowstorm - lay in stores undelivered.
"Where is the government? I need my sidewalk shoveled so I can get out to
buy my lottery tickets!" said one D. C. resident from his living
room. "Why are we wasting money in Iraq when we could be spending it here
on me?" Progressive blogs blasted the President for his inaction. "We find
the timing terribly suspicious - just as the Domestic Spying hearings kick
into high gear, what happens? A major northeast Blizzard. Why now?" wrote
blogger FUAmericaNBush2.
Hearings into the Blizzards' effect on hearings are almost a certainty.
Howard Dean has suggested he will call for an investigation once his new
medications kick in and John Kerry took a break from the Ice Sailing in
Finland to call for new legislation outlawing s nowstorms. "The Republican
Congress has dropped the ball once again. I have always been a staunch
supporter of anti-snow legislation, except for certain locations where I ski.
Snow has no business on our roads and the
President and Congress knows that."
Calls for impeachment over "SnowGate" as some are calling it already are
mounting as deeply as the snow itself, and what will be discovered
underneath will prove to have a truly chilling effect on the Republicans,
as the inevitable thaw proceeds.
Flash
More breaking news...... Al Sharpton wants an investigation as to why snow
is ALWAYS white.
Cheney has stock in Tru-Value Hardware. Do you have any idea how many SNOW
SHOVELS they sold today to the unsuspecting consumer?
I demand to know why FEMA has been so late in reacting to this storm. THEY
KNEW IT WAS COMING! And yet they failed to have crews in place to fix the
electricity as soon as it went off. It just shows that Bush and the
Republicans just don't care about the people in the N. E. The Senate needs
to investigate this with administration people under oath.
I'll bet that the great junior senator from N. Y. has opened the doors of
her home to all of the heatless poor of her neighborhood and is busy
baking cookies for them while her husband applies body heat to the nearly
frozen teen-aged girls.
Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative
foul up, Clinton gets sent to Heaven and the Pope gets sent to Hell. The Pope explains the situation to the Hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch.The next day, the Pope is called in and the Hell administration bids him
farewell and he heads for Heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat.Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Clinton: No problem.
Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to Heaven.
Clinton: Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.
Clinton: You're a day late.
Dear Mr. President
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for
Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specificallyThank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broaddrick. Are there any others that we should know about?
Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were about 10 or so to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.
Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "IS" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.
Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag The Dog", could be plausible after all. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.
Thank you for the 72 House and Senate witnesses who have plead the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democrat campaign fund raising. Thank you for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonments from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.
Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips. Please give my regards to Hillary, when/if you see her.
Tell her I'm working on a "Thank You" letter for her.Looking forward to January 20, 2001....
Average American Joe
The Heinz Co. announced today that it will begin producing Clinton Soup to honor one of the nation's most distinguished men.
It will consist primarily of a small weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year.
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied "I don't know, I never had one."
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Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders integrity, vision, and wisdom.
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Clinton is doing the work of three men Larry, Moe and Curly.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed changed regularly, and for the same reason.
This is an exact recount of US National Public Radio (NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
It seems that a restaurant owner near the location of the Clinton’s search for expensive New York housing offers the "Hillary Special". It is a bun stuffed with baloney.
TODAY’S LITTLE RED HEN
Once upon an time, there was a little red hen who scratched around the barn yard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen, and she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap the wheat and grind the flour?" said the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I’d lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I’d lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I’ll do it alone," said the little red hen, and she did. At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake bread?" asked the little red hen.
"That would involve over-time for me," said the cow.
"I’d lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I’m a drop-out and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I’m to be the only helper, that’s discrimination," said the goose.
"In that case, I’ll just do it," said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and showed them to her neighbors. They all wanted some of the bread, in fact, each demanded to have their fair share. But the little red hen said "No, I baked the bread for myself. There was enough grain for everyone to have bread if only you would have helped with the work."
"Excess Profits!" yelled the cow.
"Capitalist leech!" cried the duck.
"I demand equal rights!" shouted the goose.
The pig just grunted.
Then they all hurriedly painted "Unfair" picket signs and marched around, shouting obscenities.
The government agent came and said to the little red hen, "You must be very greedy." "But I earned the bread through my efforts alone," said the little red hen. "Exactly," said the agent, "that is the wonderful thing about the free enterprise system. Anyone in the barn yard can earn as much as he/she wants. But, under the regulations, the productive workers must share their earnings with the idle and unproductive."
The barn yard society continues on; however, the little red hen’s neighbors often wonder why there is never any bread anymore.